3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
