Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
