Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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