Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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