Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
