this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
