We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize