Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
