Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
