yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
