just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
