no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
