just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
