you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
