I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
