I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
