My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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