I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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