so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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