The maid of honor just puked.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
