u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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