My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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