LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
