She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
