I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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