You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
