I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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