i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
