there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
