3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
