I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
