if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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