I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
