I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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