just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
