just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
