Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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