escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
