meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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