it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
