well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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