I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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