She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
