we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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