I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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