happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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