just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
