U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
