apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
