we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
