JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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