The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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