I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
