So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
