You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
