I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
