how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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