her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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