dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
