Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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