Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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