Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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