And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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