I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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