dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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