Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
