Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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