you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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