Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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