Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
