Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
