also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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