Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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