3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
