In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
