I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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