You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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