i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
